Year in review 2023

Yes—and

Kaliko Journal is a free newsletter about natural dyeing, textiles, art practice, and life by Ania Grzeszek. This publication is divided into two sections: ”Plant Dyeing” and “Studio Practice”. You can manage your subscription by clicking “Unsubscribe” at the bottom of the email and opting IN and OUT of the sections that interest you. This is also where you can pledge your financial support for this publication, which would help me continue to sustain it.

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Self-portrait in oil, based on an analog selfie from 2013

I wasn’t sure if I will ever publish this review but it so happened that I am sick for the fourth time in four months, this time with a really nasty flu and already bored out of my brain, having too much time to think (always a bad thing), so here we go.

2023…. well, haha! What can I say. What an absolute unpredictable chaos. When 2023 started I was depressed, full-time self-employed and married. 12 months in I’m none of the above.

I think the review could pretty much end here.

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Usually I write what went well and what didn’t for Kaliko but the truth is Kaliko was the least of my worries last year. It quietly and steadily run in the background while I was:

1. Building a cabin in another country

   
   The cabin is almost finished and my goal this year is to have it 100% done by the summer. I already spent a few lovely solitary weeks there and looking forward to many more to come. I wrote extensively about the cabin in 2023 so I am leaving this point short. One thing to add: by the end of 2023 financing got even more complicated than before, though, which brings me to #2.

2. Getting a part-time job to finance the cabin
   
   I took a part-time job in February last year, pretty much on a whim, as I was still burnt out (depressed?) and realised that relying on Kaliko to finance a construction site is a bit too much to ask. It would probably be technically possible but also disastrous for my mental health so this is the first time I really stepped in for myself and I am glad I did. I wanted something quiet and easy, so I found a job as Office & HR Management for a company in a culture sector, working mostly for national museums.
   I was prepared to suck at it and hate it. After almost a year I think I am actually good at it and I enjoy it. Wait, what…? I know, lol, surprise to me, too. It was a blessing for my well-being: having a steady pay check, more routine in my day-to-day, working in a team again and learning (loads!) of new stuff, proving myself I am actually smart.
   

3. Going to weekly group therapy and learning about myself
   
   It was year 3 of my therapy sessions and until recently the whole process was absolutely exhausting and confusing. And then, one day in 2023, something simply clicked for me and I realised it’s so simple - I just have to trust myself. I know what I need.
   I also know what others want for me (and from me), I know who’s judging me and why, why some are worried about me and don’t trust me to make good decisions. But it’s my life to manage and no-one else’s. It’s also not my job to manage lives of others. So with that realisation we’re coming to the next # on the list.
   (Also, at this point I want to acknowledge that the therapy process is far from complete, I still have one year left with the group and I am already sad for the day the meetings end. I can’t recommend group therapy enough.)
   

4. Ending my marriage as a result of #3 and living through the aftermath
   
   Also wrote about it in more detail before. Our marriage wasn’t a failure, it was a success that lasted 10 years. And now it’s a new chapter for both of us, as friends. Being single in your 30s is something I never knew I needed but I find it to be a fascinating experience. I can’t even put it into words today so I won’t try. Ariana said it best in her new single that is playing in the background:
   Yes—and
   Say that shit with your chest
   Be your own fucking best friend
   Keep moving like “What’s next”?

   Yes—and

In 2024 I can say I am grateful for 2023 but also please don’t put me through it ever again. I am ready to be happy, fulfilled and finally have money to spend. What’s next?

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Before I forget - I can’t wait to see you in person in 2024! I am hosting workshops at my studio again, here are the upcoming dates:

Natural Tie-Dye, January 20th
Intro to Plant Dyeing, February 17th
Bundle Dyeing, March 16th

And, as always, I am open for private bookings, just send me a message:)